Was one of those day when I realized how many people are there for me. I talked to Eric forever, Drew and Cassie were awesome, and Aj took care of me. No matter how shitty things get and life is outta hand lately. Its really nice to know they will always be there. Even when I leave adam I’m not going to lose them. And right now surrounding myself with people who love me/care about me is what I need. I love Shawna but she’s so busyy I can’t pick her up all of the time :/.
to wish you were here right now :/.
I’m so stressed. My grandfather just went in for his surgery. Tomorrow I’m getting an ultrasound to find out whats wrong with my liver (possible acetaminophen poisoning), and whats wrong with my gallbladder. Losing 20 pounds in less then 2 weeks is not normal. I can’t eat anything. A man at the gas station asked me if I was going to pass out because I’m so pale and I look like I have two black eyes and wanted to make sure I was ok to drive. Every time I’m with Adam is always a mess. And I know if this is how it is going to be forever it’s always going to be a mess.
Grew the balls to call Detective Palos today. Talk to him about everything from adam, avengers, to Swedish meatballs. I was invited over to his family’s house for dinner. I know I’m not going but he wanted me to see what a real family was like and how woman should be treated. And then at the end of the conversation he said, “I don’t want you to die or end up in the hospital…when you know you have the chance to save yourself.”
Why the fuck can’t I just do it?
And you just made me cry. Because you are right :(. When the fuck did I go this far. Are morals dead or are they just on the mend. I feel so out of control, I feed the need like a whore. I want to crawl under my covers and hide myself. Because right now the only way I can be me is by myself.
